In Search of a Ninja

Since before even departing for Japan, my Beloved Brother Aj, who is also a terrible butthole like how older brothers usually are, requested that I “bring him back a ninja” from Japan.

Though most Westerners of course wouldn’t realize it, this is a bit like asking someone who is heading down to the shopping mall to pick up a cowboy while they’re at it.

Sure it’s a notable part of our history, but it just isn’t the “in” thing these days (at least not in most places), and hasn’t been for quite some time (though in Japan’s case, the ninja probably never really was “in” outside of pop culture, what with being a secret martial arts cult and all that).

Yet not wishing to let my brother down, I searched high and low.

In Kyoto, every shop we set foot in saw me scouring the disparate items for a stealth assassin; in Hiroshima, I ransacked toy stores in search of a black-hooded shinobi; and in the countryside of Uno and Teshima, I kept always an eye out for a shuriken-slinging warrior lurking in the shadows.

Yet nary a ninja could be found.

Of course to their credit, ninjas should be rather difficult to find by definition. I mean, any stealthy anything, ninja or otherwise, who is easy to find will probably prove a poor representative of their order.

It was not until the last moment—literally sheer minutes before Hisachan and I would step through the security gate toward our flight—that I decided to check one final gift shop near the food court in the airport. Somehow, I just knew they would have one—it was as if the very soul of the ninja was calling to me with its deadly arcane powers.

That, and I saw that they had corny displays of cheap replica samurai swords gracing (or possibly disgracing) the sales racks, and figured the ninja wouldn’t be a far stretch.

I walked quickly into the store, as I was pressed for time, made a beeline for the nearest sales representative, and blurted out, “Koko ni wa ninja ga arimasu ka?? Is there a ninja in here??”

“Ninja?” replied the sales rep, “Hai! Arimasu! Yes, we have one!”

Next thing I knew, I was shown the little ninja talisman depicted above, which I readily purchased.

(Love you, Bro!)